The Funk

The Funk, do you ever get it?  Not the James Brown kind of good Funk, but the Funk mood, that depressive state that pretty much makes it impossible to really accomplish anything.  Do you ever get that?  Well I do, and I had it bad last year.  Yep, pretty much the whole year.  I'm not going to say I was full blown depressed, I just had a Funk I couldn't shake and as soon as I was rid of it, it came back full force.  I can honestly say that social media makes this Funk way worse, the constant, "Am I good enough?"  "Am I accomplishing enough?"  "What do I want from life?"  Followed by the thoughts of, "Why do I feel this way, I am very blessed, have a great husband, great kids, all that I need and more.  What is wrong with me?"  Ughhh....just keeping it real folks.

So why am I bringing up the Funk?  New Years, the reflection and goals that go along with it.  Yuck.  The week after Christmas I was all good, happy thoughts and positivity.  Then New Years Eve happened.  Oh good grief, now I have to think about how I didn't meet my goals, didn't accomplish 2% of what I wanted to, overall failure.  Is this the truth?  Not really.  I made a ton of stuff last year, I raised my two children, I kept up a house.  But why the feeling of failure.  I hate it, I don't want to feel that way, but I just can't help it.  Then my husband asked my what my goals or dreams were for the New Year.  Stressful that question is.  Do I really want to set myself up for failure again?  I started listing all the things I wanted to accomplish this year, and the list was INSANE.  Like 10 years worth of projects and goals.  Why do I do this to myself.  I'm not Super Woman and I don't want to be.

Here is an example.  Last year at this time, I blogged about my goals for the year, the long list of works in progress and how this was going to be the year of getting them all done.  You can see the mosaic below.  15 quilts.  15 quilts in one year, most of them just blocks, by that math I would have to finish a quilt every 24 days.  That is IMPOSSIBLE for me.  Why did I set that goal?  Optimism is one thing, but this is something else.

What was the reality?  The four quilts below and technically the one in the bottom left is just basted, not yet quilted.  The one on the bottom right is finished, but I have yet to photograph it.  So in all honesty I only "finished" 2 of the 15.

So what went awry?  What happened?  I know that I sewed a lot, made a ton of things, but why only four finishes from that original list?  Distractions, boredom, impatience, maybe a touch of ADD?  Yes, that is it, it has to be, oh and the Funk.  Proof?  Look at the mosaic below.  These nine quilts were started in 2013.  I finished four of them, but only blogged about two of those.  The other five are still waiting to be finished.  So yes, I accomplished a lot in 2013, and let us not even mention the tons and tons of little projects that were started and finished too.  Great, I accomplished a lot, but the problem is that now I have 17 unfinished quilts.  More than the start of last year, uh oh I'm drowning.  Let me do the math, 365 days, 17 quilts, now I have 21 days for each one.  It is simply not possible, for me at least.  So what now?

Here is the dilemma I have been pondering for the past three days, while I stew in the Funk and wallow in it.  When you step back from "the problem"  it is easy to see that it really isn't a problem at all, but I still couldn't shake the Funk.  I spent the majority of today laying around in my pajamas and being lazy.  Well that certainly wasn't helping the situation at all.  So instead of being a total loaf, I decided to try and catch up on some of my Sunday newspapers that were laying around collecting dust.  While reading I came across the Dear Abby (Jeanne Phillips) article that was published on New Year's Day.  She wanted to share her most requested list of New Year's resolutions that were adapted by her mother (Pauline Phillips) from the original credo of Al-Anon.  Wow it struck such a powerful cord with me and the Funk was lifted.  If you don't mind I'll post a bit of it here, because it was much longer:

Just for today:  I will live through this day only.  I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow.  I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.  I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today:  I will be happy.  I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me.  If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
Just for today:  I will accept what is.  I will face reality.  i will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
Just for today:  I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

It was just what I needed today, a little message from God (and Dear Abby) to set me right on my path again.  Does this mean that I won't set any goals this year?  No, just realistic ones.  I hope you join me on my journey and for those of you who don't have a perfect list of finished projects and accomplishments, I hope this helps you to realize that it doesn't have to be perfect, life is messy and you only have to live one day at a time.
Happy New Year!